About Me – My Journey

Nathan BC

(Nathan and his sister Lauren)

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart so that fresh green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”  RUMI

When we tragically face the death of a child, our entire world comes to a grinding stop and everything we have ever believed is questioned.

You may at first not understand how you could ever survive this loss, that there can be no way out of your endless suffering, yet over time, I promise, there is a way through.

Our son Nathan was 9 years old when he was hit by a car.  He received massive head injuries from his accident and we were told he was brain dead.

How do you begin this journey? Who prepares you for this sudden change? How do you wake up the next morning knowing they won’t be in your life anymore?

If you would like to read my books about the journey through grief and how I worked through the many layers of pain and loss, please visit my website. I would love to hear your feedback.

http://www.karenlangauthor.com/

We may worry about death but

what

hurts the soul most is to live

without tasting the water of its

own essence

RUMI

176 thoughts on “About Me – My Journey”

  1. Dear Karen,
    Having lost very near and dear ones myself, it was reassuring to read your story. I really admire your strength and your willingness to help others by sharing.
    I am nominating you for The Sisterhood of Bloggers Award! Congratulations!

    Reply

    1. Thankyou for such a lovely comment. I am sorry for any loss you have experienced. I am glad you could connect to my story, and know that we are never alone in our grief.

      Reply

  2. Dear Karen, what a wonderful tribute to your son and to the testament of love over grief. I think you are right that people may seem uncomfortable around you fearing that their worst nightmare will come true too.
    I admire your courage and your resiliency to grow through this enormous and incomparable pain. Yet you’ve given a road map to others who may find themselves in the midst of this pain.
    My sons are close in age to your Natty, and my heart aches for your and your family. How comforting to know that he left a road map for you and your husband too. What a blessing.
    My favorite aunt lost her son and she was unable to face it or come to grips with her overwhelming sorrow for over 40 years. I believe she is now facing what she tried to outrun and her pain has not lessened but increased. Perhaps that is because she could not find her strength in the silence. I pray someday she does and I am gratified to know that although a daily reminder, grief doesn’t have to take up permanent residence. Really great post. Thank you for sharing,
    Nikki

    Reply

    1. Thankyou Nikki for such a beautiful comment. I like your thoughts on a road map. I think there is one for each of us. I am sorry your Aunt did not feel strong enough to find hers, it is a difficult choice to stay in our grief. I think it is only the gift of grace that allows us to choose differently. The longer we leave it, the harder it is to change. Many blessings to you and your family.

      Reply

      1. I so agree with your statement about the longer you leave it the harder it is to change. I think that is exactly what happened with my Aunt. I admire your courage, tenacity, and strength to grow past such unimaginable pain. Your family is a true inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story with such grace. I look forward to reading about your future life. Many blessings of light and love you and your treasured loved ones.

      2. Thankyou for your kind words. I appreciate your comment and thoughts. Change is never easy, I wish it was. I guess we would not learn if it was or experience life more deeply.

  3. So sorry for your loss. Losing a child is never something that a parent should have to endure. My heart goes out to you and my prayers. May God bless you and your family.

    Reply

  4. So sorry for your loss. I lost my son a little over 2 years ago. He was 22 yrs old. He told us he was going to die. I am still in terrible pain. We were fighting a lot. I think we were fighting because we both knew and I was so angry. He was/is my soul mate. I am lost here in this world without him. Even though, I have a beautiful daughter, a husband, and a new grandson I miss him almost every minute of the day. I am moving forward in my life. I do it for my daughter mostly. I have been a nurse all my life. I can no longer handle nursing. I have made great strides. Again, I do this because I am forced by society and for the love of my daughter. I need peace and want to know so desperately that he is loved, not scared, and not suffering because he was as close to me as I am to him. He feel asleep after being out with his friends and rolled his new truck. Alcohol was involved. I have been angry and have had pain and rage at levels I have never even knew existed in my soul. My husband and I are lost from each other. He is fixing everything and quiet. I start yoga next week privately. I am opening a new business with my daughter, a goal I have always had. Even though I am functioning at a higher level than even I have expected. I know I am a stubborn woman. I am at risk of having this huge train of emotions that I have been shoving up these endless hills without any fuel run me over if I am not careful. I would be interested in speaking with you.

    I am thankful I found this blog.
    It is so helpful to read something that feels tangible to me. I have read everything I could get my hands on. I am so scared I will never feel whole again. I think if I could just somehow figure out away to just be able to cope with my guilt of being so angry with him both before and after his death I could somehow begin to heal and be ok. I loved him so so so much. Not unlike any mother. He was my best friend. I am lost without him and as selfish as it sounds I feel like he is grieving too and is lost without me.

    Looking for some light,

    Jeanne

    Reply

    1. Hi Jeanne, Thankyou for taking the time to share your story and the tragic loss of your son. I have great compassion for your pain and I know how difficult the emotions of grief can be. I have just finished writing a book on how to heal after the loss of a son or daughter. It is at a publishing company now being assessed for publishing and so I will definitely pass that on to you when it is ready.

      These first few years are extremely difficult, as you work through the anger and sadness that comes after sudden loss. It takes time, and so continue to be patient as you nurture your needs. Perhaps we can work together over some emails to help you move through some of these emotions.

      I am happy to support you Jeanne. Email: naaron2@hotmail.com

      Reply

  10. i am so sorry for your loss. i lost a nephew at age 6 and know that the loss of a child who you love is incomprehensible. hugs to you for working to find your way back, though it will never be exactly the same as you left it. thank you for reading and following my words, and i look forward to doing the same with yours. best, beth

    Reply

  12. I was drawn to your blog by a touching comment you made on Dr. Jonathan’s All About Healthy Choices blog, and was curious what your blog was about.

    I am sincerely sorry for such a huge loss. I cannot even imagine what grief and emotions you would have had to face.

    May your expressing yourself here be a source of healing for yourself, and strength for those who may have had to face something similar.

    Reply

    1. Thankyou for stopping by and for your lovely comment. Writing my blog and my book has been a great source of healing for me. I have met some wonderful people on my blog too and I always hope that those who face a similar tragedy can feel hope after reading my story.

      Reply

  13. I’m so sorry. Thank you for turning your pain into a helping hand and voice for so many who discover your site. I’m thinking of two friends who lost their young adult sons and how reading and sharing here may be like wading into cool waters on a broiling day.

    Reply

    1. Thankyou Lisa. My book seems to be a healing companion for those who have suffered a death of a son or daughter. I appreciate your kind thoughts here and for sharing.

      Reply

  14. Gratitude for sharing your story, which takes courage and an open-heart. I think it’s through sharing our stories that we can foster compassion, compassion for others but also compassion for ourselves. Your are truly inspiring – and I look forward to learning from you and I welcome the light that shines from you. Peace, Harlon

    Reply

  15. What a powerful introduction. I can’t imagine how to get through a loss like this having a son and a younger daughter who is now the age of your Nathan…

    Reply
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  17. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through, but thank you for sharing your story for others in similar situations.

    Reply
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  20. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I often think of how these experiences shatter lives. The pieces can never be put back to together, but the pieces can be collected and refitted into a mosaic full of new beauty. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

    Reply

  21. Your strength is awe-inspiring. When I just read what happened to your son, Nathan, it knocked the wind out of me; it felt like a physical blow to the chest & gut. I literally gasped out loud. It seems unimaginable and yet it’s your reality and you not only survive you live beautifully and so positively and lift others along the way. It’s difficult to fathom the trauma & agony you have endured and in some ways probably still endure. Not only have you had to endure such a loss itself but then the trauma surrounding the circumstance. Of course it’s just as bad no matter how a child is lost but I believe some ways it happens must bring an additional kind of distress into the horror. Thank you for sharing your story & touching others for the better. ❤❤ I’m wishing you so much love, healing, & inner peace. I understand for many\most there’s no such thing as complete healing and “getting over” a significant loss of someone but it is possible to heal deeply in some ways and I’m so thankful you have found the strength & courage to take the leap & find some kind of healing and then on top of that go on to help others. Your beauty is breathtaking! I saw your comment on Eliza’s blog & that’s how I found yours. ❤

    Reply

    1. Thankyou so much for visiting my blog and for your heartfelt kind thoughts. It is a very tough path to endure and I was able to achieve that from wonderful support, love and learning life changing practices such as yoga and meditation. It changed my life and my grief and for this I will always be grateful. Hope to connect again with you soon. 🙏🏻

      Reply
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  23. I cannot even closely imagine the pain of loosing a child; it’s simply unfathomable. My life has come to a grinding stop ‘just’ by loosing my loved one in the classic way, by the end of a long relationship. That in itself was enough to send me on a similar journey. It also happens that I find a lot of solace in Rumi. His poetry is beautiful beyond words. I guess it’s because it reunites with the pain in another realm.

    Reply

    1. Thankyou for your thoughtful comment. Loss is in every chapter of our lives and how we work through that pain is different for each of us and yet, when we realise in our pain we are connected to everything, we are never alone. Rumi is a gift to us all. 🙏🏻

      Reply

  25. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a warrior too. My daughter Justine was driving home from a night shift when she was killed in a car accident at aged 29. Losing a little boy is very tragic and I do understand we have to live on with joy to honour our loved ones.

    Reply

    1. Thank you Cathy. I too am sorry to hear of your daughters death and you are indeed a warrior! I am glad we could connect and I wish you peace and strength as you walk this warrior journey. 💚

      Reply

  27. Karen, I had read your deeply sad story here months ago but did not post a comment, as I was deeply moved and could appreciate that you had moved on to a better place now. Of course this deep loss is always a pain that is felt and may resurface at times unexpectedly, and especially at times of anniversary of the event or your son’s birthday, as you shared on a previous occasion. I am so encouraged by the way you have surfaced to make it your passion to encourage and support those experiencing deep grief, to bring healing. I appreciate you visiting my blog and for your encouraging comments.

    Reply

  28. “Sorry for your loss” doesn’t quite cut it I’m afraid. But let me say I understand. Or rather, I probably feel what you felt and are likely still feeling. Though we all know that Time, the Great Thief is also the Great Healer, some… voids will never be filled. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. As usual, it is the living we need to care for. I hope your daughter is… well or as well as can be. Kids are resilient, but they do need our help along the way.
    Take care
    Brian

    Reply

    1. Thanks for your thoughtful words Brian. It’s been a long journey to understand grief, but in facing it and moving through it, I have discovered such deep wisdom and understanding of life. We had another daughter April and so my other daughter has a beautiful sister to share her life with. She is resilient, strong and beautiful too. Life is here to learn deeply from and to find our way home. 🌈

      Reply

  30. Dearest Karen; It took me a while to search for you, but now that I’ve found you I shall share your trip through life. Sadly, we accompanied over the past two years close friends who lost their son in a bike accident when he took his first holiday trip without his family. Being a mother (or father) I truly think that loosing one’s child is the hardest and most single hurtful experience anybody can suffer. I feel for you and express my deep feelings of shared pain for you. I hope that my positive and healing thoughts reach your soul and that your journey gets easier with time. Love & greetings, Kiki

    Reply

    1. Thank you Kiki for your kind thoughts and for taking the time to comment. It is a very difficult journey to walk after the death of a child and I recommend my book ‘Courage’ for your friends to read, as losing a child suddenly is the most difficult grief to face. My work now guiding others through the pain of grief is so rewarding and fulfilling, I am so grateful for the gift my son gave me while he was with us. Knowing how fragile life is, I practice living fully in each moment. 💚💕

      Reply

      1. Karen; they only speak German and French. But they have help all along. Thanks for your words and thoughts. They too are far more aware of every precious moment now – and we all can learn at least that from a grieving parent. Have a peaceful weekend. K

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