“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”  RUMI

When we tragically face the death of a child, our entire world comes to a grinding stop and everything we have ever believed is questioned.

You may at first not understand how you could ever survive this loss, that there can be no way out of this pain, yet overtime, I promise, there is a way through.

Our son Nathan was 9 years old when he was hit by a car.  He received massive head injuries from his accident and we were told he was brain dead.

How do you begin this journey? Who prepares you for this sudden change? How do you wake up the next morning knowing they won’t be in your life anymore?

If you would like to read my book about the journey through grief and how I worked through the many layers of pain and loss, please visit my website. I would love to hear your feedback.

http://www.karenlangauthor.com/

We may worry about death but

what

hurts the soul most is to live

without tasting the water of its

own essence

– Jelaluddin Rumi, thirteenth century

 

 

152 thoughts on “My Story

  1. Dear Karen,
    Having lost very near and dear ones myself, it was reassuring to read your story. I really admire your strength and your willingness to help others by sharing.
    I am nominating you for The Sisterhood of Bloggers Award! Congratulations!

  2. Dear Karen, what a wonderful tribute to your son and to the testament of love over grief. I think you are right that people may seem uncomfortable around you fearing that their worst nightmare will come true too.
    I admire your courage and your resiliency to grow through this enormous and incomparable pain. Yet you’ve given a road map to others who may find themselves in the midst of this pain.
    My sons are close in age to your Natty, and my heart aches for your and your family. How comforting to know that he left a road map for you and your husband too. What a blessing.
    My favorite aunt lost her son and she was unable to face it or come to grips with her overwhelming sorrow for over 40 years. I believe she is now facing what she tried to outrun and her pain has not lessened but increased. Perhaps that is because she could not find her strength in the silence. I pray someday she does and I am gratified to know that although a daily reminder, grief doesn’t have to take up permanent residence. Really great post. Thank you for sharing,
    Nikki

    1. Thankyou Nikki for such a beautiful comment. I like your thoughts on a road map. I think there is one for each of us. I am sorry your Aunt did not feel strong enough to find hers, it is a difficult choice to stay in our grief. I think it is only the gift of grace that allows us to choose differently. The longer we leave it, the harder it is to change. Many blessings to you and your family.

      1. I so agree with your statement about the longer you leave it the harder it is to change. I think that is exactly what happened with my Aunt. I admire your courage, tenacity, and strength to grow past such unimaginable pain. Your family is a true inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story with such grace. I look forward to reading about your future life. Many blessings of light and love you and your treasured loved ones.

      2. Thankyou for your kind words. I appreciate your comment and thoughts. Change is never easy, I wish it was. I guess we would not learn if it was or experience life more deeply.

  3. So sorry for your loss. Losing a child is never something that a parent should have to endure. My heart goes out to you and my prayers. May God bless you and your family.

  4. So sorry for your loss. I lost my son a little over 2 years ago. He was 22 yrs old. He told us he was going to die. I am still in terrible pain. We were fighting a lot. I think we were fighting because we both knew and I was so angry. He was/is my soul mate. I am lost here in this world without him. Even though, I have a beautiful daughter, a husband, and a new grandson I miss him almost every minute of the day. I am moving forward in my life. I do it for my daughter mostly. I have been a nurse all my life. I can no longer handle nursing. I have made great strides. Again, I do this because I am forced by society and for the love of my daughter. I need peace and want to know so desperately that he is loved, not scared, and not suffering because he was as close to me as I am to him. He feel asleep after being out with his friends and rolled his new truck. Alcohol was involved. I have been angry and have had pain and rage at levels I have never even knew existed in my soul. My husband and I are lost from each other. He is fixing everything and quiet. I start yoga next week privately. I am opening a new business with my daughter, a goal I have always had. Even though I am functioning at a higher level than even I have expected. I know I am a stubborn woman. I am at risk of having this huge train of emotions that I have been shoving up these endless hills without any fuel run me over if I am not careful. I would be interested in speaking with you.

    I am thankful I found this blog.
    It is so helpful to read something that feels tangible to me. I have read everything I could get my hands on. I am so scared I will never feel whole again. I think if I could just somehow figure out away to just be able to cope with my guilt of being so angry with him both before and after his death I could somehow begin to heal and be ok. I loved him so so so much. Not unlike any mother. He was my best friend. I am lost without him and as selfish as it sounds I feel like he is grieving too and is lost without me.

    Looking for some light,

    Jeanne

    1. Hi Jeanne, Thankyou for taking the time to share your story and the tragic loss of your son. I have great compassion for your pain and I know how difficult the emotions of grief can be. I have just finished writing a book on how to heal after the loss of a son or daughter. It is at a publishing company now being assessed for publishing and so I will definitely pass that on to you when it is ready.

      These first few years are extremely difficult, as you work through the anger and sadness that comes after sudden loss. It takes time, and so continue to be patient as you nurture your needs. Perhaps we can work together over some emails to help you move through some of these emotions.

      I am happy to support you Jeanne. Email: naaron2@hotmail.com

  5. i am so sorry for your loss. i lost a nephew at age 6 and know that the loss of a child who you love is incomprehensible. hugs to you for working to find your way back, though it will never be exactly the same as you left it. thank you for reading and following my words, and i look forward to doing the same with yours. best, beth

  6. I was drawn to your blog by a touching comment you made on Dr. Jonathan’s All About Healthy Choices blog, and was curious what your blog was about.

    I am sincerely sorry for such a huge loss. I cannot even imagine what grief and emotions you would have had to face.

    May your expressing yourself here be a source of healing for yourself, and strength for those who may have had to face something similar.

    1. Thankyou for stopping by and for your lovely comment. Writing my blog and my book has been a great source of healing for me. I have met some wonderful people on my blog too and I always hope that those who face a similar tragedy can feel hope after reading my story.

  7. I’m so sorry. Thank you for turning your pain into a helping hand and voice for so many who discover your site. I’m thinking of two friends who lost their young adult sons and how reading and sharing here may be like wading into cool waters on a broiling day.

  8. Gratitude for sharing your story, which takes courage and an open-heart. I think it’s through sharing our stories that we can foster compassion, compassion for others but also compassion for ourselves. Your are truly inspiring – and I look forward to learning from you and I welcome the light that shines from you. Peace, Harlon

  9. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through, but thank you for sharing your story for others in similar situations.

  10. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I often think of how these experiences shatter lives. The pieces can never be put back to together, but the pieces can be collected and refitted into a mosaic full of new beauty. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

  11. Your strength is awe-inspiring. When I just read what happened to your son, Nathan, it knocked the wind out of me; it felt like a physical blow to the chest & gut. I literally gasped out loud. It seems unimaginable and yet it’s your reality and you not only survive you live beautifully and so positively and lift others along the way. It’s difficult to fathom the trauma & agony you have endured and in some ways probably still endure. Not only have you had to endure such a loss itself but then the trauma surrounding the circumstance. Of course it’s just as bad no matter how a child is lost but I believe some ways it happens must bring an additional kind of distress into the horror. Thank you for sharing your story & touching others for the better. ❤❤ I’m wishing you so much love, healing, & inner peace. I understand for many\most there’s no such thing as complete healing and “getting over” a significant loss of someone but it is possible to heal deeply in some ways and I’m so thankful you have found the strength & courage to take the leap & find some kind of healing and then on top of that go on to help others. Your beauty is breathtaking! I saw your comment on Eliza’s blog & that’s how I found yours. ❤

    1. Thankyou so much for visiting my blog and for your heartfelt kind thoughts. It is a very tough path to endure and I was able to achieve that from wonderful support, love and learning life changing practices such as yoga and meditation. It changed my life and my grief and for this I will always be grateful. Hope to connect again with you soon. 🙏🏻

  12. I cannot even closely imagine the pain of loosing a child; it’s simply unfathomable. My life has come to a grinding stop ‘just’ by loosing my loved one in the classic way, by the end of a long relationship. That in itself was enough to send me on a similar journey. It also happens that I find a lot of solace in Rumi. His poetry is beautiful beyond words. I guess it’s because it reunites with the pain in another realm.

    1. Thankyou for your thoughtful comment. Loss is in every chapter of our lives and how we work through that pain is different for each of us and yet, when we realise in our pain we are connected to everything, we are never alone. Rumi is a gift to us all. 🙏🏻

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